Losing my mind out loud

Wow. Who knew I'd really loose it this quickly? I'm waaaay too young. I carried myself to the doctor for an up-age on my dos-age. Now I have enough happy pills to take two a day if I want for a while. WOO-HOO! Maybe the goddess doesn't hate me as much as I thought. See I'm having happier thoughts already. Better living through pharmaceuticals, especially if you have good insurance. I'm on a roll today ladies and gentlemen, see two happy thoughts in a row.

I may have to give up country music. They all remind me in some way of how my life hasn't turned out like what I always thought it would. Nothing has gone according to plan since I was old enough to have a plan. No worries though future subjects, when I'm queen of the world, I will fix all of that. Ha! Half of the songs are about how I wish my life was and the other half are about how pitiful things are now. I should be listening to some loud rock and roll or hip hop until my heart doesn't ache so badly. I can't drown my sorrows in a cold beer tonight. Someone here has to be responsible and I can't ask my 10 year old to do that. I won't. But, I have discovered that his father wants him for the holiday weekend. I need to find me someone with a boat and beer. Bad. I can always coat myself in SPF 60 every hour. I just need to get the F*ck out of dodge for a while. I was thinking about going to Hot Springs and checking on my friend, France, who has a broken ankle, but her sister beat me to it. Shucks.

I just can't afford to crack right now. I have bills and a child. I can come unglued in about 7 years and 2 months. Not that I'm counting. With proper planning, I can quit my job, sell my house and go to Australia for a while, and slap the s-h-i-t out of Andrew Fisher if i run into him. Then come back stateside and live where ever. Do odd jobs until I find my bliss. I always thought I'd have time to follow my bliss through college and at least for a little while after college. Who knew I'd be a wife and a mother by 20 and it took me a year to get that way. So, I had like 1 year and a half for following my bliss. Well, let me tell you, that's not nearly enough.