Fuck me

Well, I came home to my a/c not working today. I suspected there was a problem when I woke up sweating this morning. It was confirmed when I arrived home. My Satelite is also busted. Has been for a few weeks. Won't be working again until Saturday. No stereo - it's thorough the satelite. Oh woe is me! The only form of entertainment I've had for the last week or 2 is the computer. So....here goes the rant of the evening.

Considering the general suckyness of the current events like a house that was starting to get hot yesterday, no TV, no music, me loving a crazy man who doesn't give a shit about me, being broke, etc. I decided a little me time was in order after my son went to bed with my tiny little regular (non-satilite) radio and some toys of my own. I achieved a zen moment heretofore never achieved, almost, till I realized my son might hear and become concerned. So I pulled back at a most inoppertune time. This drove me to suspect that my life truly has become like that old Steve Martin movie "Parenthood". The scene with the single sister having one of her toys pulled out in front of everybody. I would die. But I can't seem to part with them either. They are always there for me when I need them. I've never been able to say that about a man. So the risk of public humiliation continues. The other part of the movie that I've noticed a disticntive resemblance to is the roller coaster scene at the end. My life is a roller coaster, and roller coasters make me physically ill. I just need a turn off the ride. I'm starting to feel sick.

Kiss you on the mouth

Danielle Peck says it really well in that song. That's what I want tonight. I want to be held and kissed. My day really sucked cosmically speaking. About the time I was getting ready for work this morning, a man with my same name died on the railroad tracks right in front of where I park for work. I hope this isn't some sick forshadowing of events about to unfold. According to the security guard at work, the body was still intact except for the brains and the top of the head. Those were scattered everywhere in between. Cops were all infront of my car this morning when I pulled into my spot. I saw the coroner's office carry away the body bag on my first smoke break. We smokers are confined to the garage(near where I park) or the basement. I always smoke near my car.

Well, good night, sleep tight.

Self Esteem: Is it really a good thing?

So, if self esteem is good, how do I acquire it? Is it something you are either born with or not, or can this trait be developed? If it can be developed how does one go about it? Is there an exercise I can practice or a book I can read?